yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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