Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
