That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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