At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
