I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
