Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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