I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
