Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
