We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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