That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
