Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
