Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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