there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
