The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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