I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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