Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
