I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
