Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
