I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
