This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Sponge bath it is.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize