I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize