Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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