I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
