Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
