i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize