Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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