My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
