Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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