did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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