I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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