dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Randomize
