my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
