Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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