My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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