So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize