Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
