Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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