i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
