rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
