I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
