listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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