Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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