Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Your cock deserves a montage
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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