i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
