tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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