So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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