so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
