I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Oh god it's open bar.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
