there's paper in my vomit.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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