Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I AM VODKA MAN
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
