i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
