I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I touched a dick in church today
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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