U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hippo gnu deer
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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