How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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