Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize