Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
