I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
