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New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
