in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
