if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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