Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize