and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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