Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
