Just fell off a train. Bad.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
