OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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