I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
