you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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