my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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