8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
