So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
