About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize