Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
