i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
