return my video game
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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